I got out of bed at 5am. I hadn’t slept almost at all. I took a long hot shower and pondered too long over what outfit I would wear on the day of my daughter’s birth. I settled on black leggings, of course, and a blue leopard shirt with a soft warm Shaw over the top. I finished packing my bags and a backpack with books I somehow thought I’d have the time or attention to read. Silly me! 

I stopped for both a coffee and a Sonic drink on the way to the interstate, and then I hit the road! I arrived at the hospital and found the nearest bathroom. By now I was ready to puke from nerves. I arrived ahead of my social worker so I just sat in the L&D waiting room. When she finally arrived, I asked what the meet and greet with birth mom would look like. She told me we would chat a short 10-15 minutes as she would be in early labor. She told me not to be nervous, which was a total waste of her breath. Finally, a nurse came out and escorted us back to a labor suite. Room 6. 

We walked in and I sat down at the side of her bed. We began to talk. Awkward at first, but it quickly became comfortable. We admired each other’s tattoo work and talked about her basketball career in school. We talked about my choice to be single and we talked about our children. I told her I was naming baby Annie Noel. I finally gave her a gift and we both cried. After I hugged her, I sat back down and held her hand in mine while we talked even more. She told me she picked me because my album relayed kindness and I seemed like a non-judgmental person, which was really humbling to me. I cried some more. Soon, two HOURS had passed and a nurse suggested we give mom a break. As we left her room, my social worker said that was the best meet and greet she’d ever been a part of. 

We returned to the waiting room and we all assumed this labor would go quickly. Ha! I paced the floors and mindlessly scrolled Facebook. Finally, my social worker suggested I go down and eat something. She joined me, and we started calling lawyers to take our case in the cafeteria. We returned back upstairs. Finally, it was about 3pm and my social worker had to leave. My nerves amped up again! 

I paced and paced and paced some more. My friends Malayla and Sean arrived to wait with me. Birth mom’s social worker suggested I go and get dinner. Begrudgingly, I left the hospital with my friends. The hospital was lit up red and green. It was beautiful! Malayla and Sean took me to eat Panera comfort food. We scarfed down dinner because my heart was still at the hospital. Finally, it got late enough that Malayla and Sean had to leave. Birth mom’s social worker and I were the only ones left in the waiting room. I laid down on the little couch and we watched some TV- a show I don’t even recall. Finally I decided to close my eyes- I was exhausted! 

I don’t know how much time passed, but around 10:50pm, a nurse emerged, smiling, and asked if I’d like to go meet my baby! We rushed back to a room where we were ushered in. They were still cleaning her off and advised me that NICU was on the way to do an evaluation. I stood above the warmer and held sweet Annie’s hand in mine. I said, “Hello beautiful! I’m your mom! It’s so nice to meet you!” NICU arrived and did their assessment and gave us the all clear to do skin-to-skin. I ripped off my shirt and sat on a hospital bed. They brought her to me and laid her on my chest. Euphoria is an understatement. I knew in that moment that she wasn’t Annie Noel, but instead Annie Joy, because she brought me pure, unadulterated, instantaneous joy!